The Cheapest of Phuket

Cheap has never been a word related to Phuket and so many will think. Was on a short trip recently for some errands down the paradise island. With rental cars going at an average of THB1,200 a day, I asked a local car rental “is there anything cheaper? Old old also never mind.”


The rattling Suzuki 2 seater 4WD arrived in the morning on the grand lobby of the hotel. THB800 per day. I signed the papers and drove happily from naught to a hundred in like 120 seconds. The gear shift was rough during attempted F1 accelerations, the engine screaming out “oh my god what are you doing to me???!!”



Driving through scattered downpours, pity the tourist who came during this wrong September season. I breathed the sea air, I looked into the horizon, my life is great and my gig sharing the experience. The gale was the onslaught of the next coming rain, on the edge of the quiet mountain I stood against the greens. This is the homeland in my heart, Singapore is just a small dot far away.





To Rawai which I have never forgotten, down the slopes at exhilarating speeds we drove. And there still waiting for me, the wet market in the hidden corner only exposed to explorers such as I. Four pieces of monster Tiger Prawns, for THB200 (SGD8) I got them for. Over opposite to the sea dwellers selling their catch, the bag of the sea catch I handed over to an eatery. For THB50 (SGD2), the sizzling prawns arrived on my table within ten minutes, I gouged the sweety meat out and down them with cold beer. My lunch, my cheap lunch, in Bangkok it would have cost THB800 or so. We enjoyed the simplicity, the farang raising his beer for a cheer as I snapped away at the locality.



On a mountain top the next day we were, our final drive to the airport my errands were done. North Eastern food in south of Thailand, opposites of worlds but yet they compliment the scenery. This place famous for friend chicken and fried minced prawns, so ordered we did and lunched high on the rocks where it met the sea. The blue the green and the extensive horizon accompanying.


I can come here now anytime, a short flight from Bangkok and a small dent in the wallet. Such is life I will mention again, Singapore is just a small dot far away.

Happy on Mothers Day?

Once again, the odd Mothers Day had come and gone last week, the day, coinciding with the Queen’s birthday. It was a Wednesday, it was a day where most families will bring their mothers out for a good happy dinner. Happy and hearty dinner….. and so it seems.

I forward my balls whole heartedly to all the Thai restaurants (except those posh and really well organized ones). Balls to you.

I was once in banquet, I know on coming holidays, the hotels and restaurants in Singapore will call up all their standby waiters on list. To be prepared, to be organized and to prevent logistical nightmares on these fully packed occasions. That’s in Singapore. We have brains.

In Thailand, if we analyze, most restaurants are run by the anyhow bloke picked off the streets without management training. So are most of the owners. They can manage herds of buffalos, people manage they cannot. What happens the on these holidays I advice one never to eat in the restaurants. I guarantee you misery on a happy holiday. Balls to the restaurants again now accompanied by my waving middle fingers (both hands).

You will on these occasions find that firstly, looking for a parking lot means extra contribution to global warming and the already polluted Bangkok. You circle for many orbits before you find one. This comes with added fun of ramming your side mirrors into stupid people who walked the narrow streets like their father owns the roads. Assholes.

You will then most likely be greeted by queues of people without reservations, you yourself inclusive. Having to wait more then an hour, many decide to leave and find the next restaurant. You see people holding on to their shaky grandmas with walking aids inching about. It is like motion in a tortoise pond. Shaky grandmas to people ratio, 1 is to 3. Walking aids to grandma ratio, 1 is to 2. Tortoise movement 100%. These poor old souls, they come, they go without eating.

And so you find a seat finally, that’s because it is already 8.30pm after turning yourself away from at least one or two previous restaurants. You sit and its 20 minutes before some one cleared the aftermath of the previous diners off your table. The old grandmas on the other tables enjoying the same anguishing moments of happy Mothers day as you, you wonder in their hunger if they pick the meat off the eaten pork rib the previous guys left behind while no one is watching.

There will be some, those angry sons who stand up and shout at waiters passing by, and to no avail as the waiters ignore. Your eye contact with the managers will quickly be cut off as he stared and linger elsewhere into shadowy corners as he is unable to cope. And orders will be taken but serve your food will not in the next decade. You witness tartar on the many grandmas’ teeth growing as they wait silently for their food. There will be little staffs attending to all the tables this you will know. And so the energy drains from the old folks and they could not even undergo photosynthesis to supplement their strength for it is night and however green their shirts or extra large bras can be. Many tables will be silent as anger and frustration turns the night darker then night. Some will run out of patience and without paying leave, the old folks unsteadily running on reserve lead away. Go back home, eat that Maggie mee. Curses to the restaurants. Happy Mothers day in Thailand.

One word for the Thai restaurants – Stupid.

Flood of Singapore Food

More… more Singapore food. In many of theses “high-so” shopping malls popping up, we get to see more of these setups. Kopitiam, they have the bread and butter plus coffee set. Singapore Chicken Rice… coming soon and will end soon. In their other branches I see elsewhere, only quiet and stillness. I have to say that the Thai Chinese chicken rice is much better that what’s offered here. Singapore Chicken Rice stall has other dishes such as Laksa and Fried Hokkien Mee. I will give the Fried Hokkien Mee a miss anytime, it just ain’t Hokkien enough.

The way Thais Prepares Garlic

Back home we peel our garlic clean before we eat them, that’s what our mothers taught us in the kitchen. The only time we leave the skin on is in certain dishes like Bak Kut Teh (pork bone soup) where we throw the whole glove intact to be boiled forever in the soup.

In Thailand, the large garlic we have, they called them China Garlic. Thais don’t really like em as they are too spicy and not that fragrant. Thais uses Thai Garlic. Very small cloves of garlic which will kill you just trying to peel them all. So how? Don’t peel (Anyway many Thais are lazy people so why should they?). Just crushed em all up, not even washed them beforehand. Their excuse, the garlic skin gives additional flavors. True to an extend depending on what had clung onto the skin.


This is the way we do it, we grab a handful blind, we throw em in and just pound them with all our might. Little critters, small stones, soil and some, do we bother, not we do. Which was why I lost half a tooth four years ago eating garlic fried fish happily as I chomped onto a small rock and my tooth then after rots.

They Ain’t no Barley

Ok guys, this is gross. If you happen eat around with friends of the E-San and see what seems to barley beans, ask first. This was a picture I took from the menu. Those white bean like stuffs – red ants eggs (the curry pok antz we call them in Singapore, those in rambutan trees). I don’t want no ants to crawl out me backside hole, I don’t wanna eat them.

Eating in Lanta

Strange it was how mushy the crabs, it was like cream of crab dug from the fissures of the half body. Stanger it was the way the parrot fish meat just disintegrated with the pinch of my chopsticks. Only the consolation we had from the white prawns, the meat still sweat and tight. Where had all the fresh seafood gone? A sea town Sala Dan, the restaurant we dined named after – Sala Dan Restaurant. Ain’t a sea town by the sea supposed to have the freshest of catch, the fish meat sweet and white? Nay.


On this island getaway, all the freshest of catch, all had been snapped by the Chefs. At a premium they will pay, so why should the folks keep them for later part of the day. We envisage a sea town where the best of food will be kept for the local taste. But this is a misconception now in these days. To have good seafood, eat only in posh restaurants on the island. Only then your palate will truly be satisfied, that is if you are willing to pay. I’m not.


Dissatisfied we left the restaurant, and feel cheated we did for 300 grams of prawn charged when there were only 200 I had witnessed weighted. To be on Lanta, the best seafood will not be in the local eatery. How so saddening, commercialism had set in. The small engine putted in the dark roads back to Cha Da Resort. The roads were wet it had rained. Raining season in Thailand we knew starts from mid April to late October, but not so as told by the driver steering us back to our pool clad hideaway. In Lanta, the season starts in March, the tour operations were ceasing and they had only 2 boats out of many in service. Soon by end of April, the seas will be fiercely strong. The sky will no longer be forgiving, the winds will work with the storms. Lanta will then operate on low season, till November when tourism returns to norm.

Click here for full photo sets under Lazing in Lanta Mar 2009.

Eating out in Sing Buri

Working life in Thailand, an adventure everyday. MacDonald’s is not everywhere, we eat where the cows shit on the roads, we eat wherever we find anything that looks like they serve food. Venturing to a far away customer in Sing Buri, no big petrol kiosk could be found that had a civilized clean toilet. Hungry we were, we turned into a very quiet deserted house with a big sign stating “Quay Teow” (noodle soup).


Chairs and tables stacked, one lonely woman sat under the wooden roof baked by the searing afternoon sun. We could not find food for miles, we just had to eat what we found. And there in contradiction, she said no Quay Teow served, never bought noodles for the day. We could however order anything we want, such as fired rice and such. In the midst of occasional ten wheelers roaring by, it seemed we were the first customers in this entire world she had. Deserted, isolated, no one seemed to have eaten there in decades. A rolling stack of passing hay would have made the scene pretty dramatic. Our bottles of Coke were served, the ice she said “we don’t have much today, never buy”. Coke, okay it tasted like Coke… minus the bubbles that were supposed to effervescent. I sipped the dull water pondering if she bought the carton 20 years ago, one bottle served once annually.


Some chickens walked by pecking the hard ground, some very elderly chicken. Waited for so many years to be eaten, their feather were tattered, they were balding. One stared at me, and in its stare told me telepathically “order fried whole chicken or I will commit suicide tomorrow, please eat me”.


Someone came by and the place was soon immersed in the sharp melodic strumming of old E-San music. A juke box, it still worked I thought it didn’t. It had a TV in, a very old TV embedded. I believe the jukebox was made when I was still a sperm.


I ate my fried rice on the aluminum table top. The sunny side up egg slapped on top of my cuisine. Was it an egg on the way to the status of century egg? Never mind, I was hungry I just ate. Swallowing the bits, I stared up the wooden wall. The calendar, the most interesting artifact, was actually a wanted list of criminals. Just my another day in Thailand.

MacIdiots Thailand

In Thailand, we have a new item on the menu in McDonald's. No, it is not MacIdiots, it is Shake Shake Fries (Fries put together with tasty powdering sprinkled to be shaken in a paper bag). Rather delicious but getting one order can present quite a challenge. Twice I ordered “Shake Fries” and they gave me “Cheese Fries”. At first, I thought I was the idiot who ordered the wrong item and not remembering it. But after the second incident, I realized something. There are MacIdiots here, other wise known as “dek-serve” (young server).

When one unfamiliar English word comes before the word Fries forming two words in total, it means Cheese Fries. If two unfamiliar English words come after Fries forming three words in total, it means Fries Shake Shake (aka…. Shake Fries). Fries Shake Shake, or Shake Fries? Oh for the love of Buddha… Shake in the sentence means I want shaken Fries, not CHEESE! They told me I should have said Fry Chake Chake, or Chake Fry, notice they don’t have the S sound within. They way the Thai tongue is made, they can’t pronounce the S within certain words. Neither can they recognize it. It is like they have a low pass filter connecting their eardrums to brain or something.

I was conversing in Thai the whole of the two incidents, only the Shake Fries I said in English. If an Amoeba could listen, their intellect levels could outmatch that of the “dek-serves”. Fries Shake Shake - new item, MacIdiots, always been around.