The Smoke House Khao Yai

The Smoke House

A massive masonry stood out on Thanarat Road. This is the Smoke House of Khao Yai. Reservations needed to be made or you will be made to wait. Her bakery prepared pastries out of flour and butter, her oven the pizzas. Her kitchen grills the steak, and the cooks some Thai Cuisines in woks of fire they heat. The large mansion stood out against blue skies, her large compound accommodates the waiting crowd clicking away on their Canon and Nikon. How about the food this glamorous place? First you got to have an encounter with the reception taking on the hundred of queues, not too happy that chap was. It was like talking to someone that had ants biting his balls he could not remove publicly. I could understand why. When we finally had our table the service was pleasingly fast and responsive.

It gets Crowded

First served was my prawn bisque. I took off the ceramic cover and immediately was lost in an aromatic storm of the shelled delicacy. One sipped, I was whisked away into the clouds, running in slow motion with a smile driven by gastro thrill of ultimate bliss. My best ever soup of all time in Thailand, you just must and have to try it. Thickness was perfect, the taste of the brownish broth was rich. Started off great and soon our Spaghetti Aglio Olio Bacon arrived cutting the order of things before our Caesar Salad. Living in Thailand, you gotta live with things like these, western dining served like an Asian feast. All appetizers, and main course are served regardless of the order of things and also, regardless of who had what first. Your mates could be on desert already, but you are having your appetizer after your main course which you desperately did try to catch up just.

Spaghetti Aglio Olio Bacon

Anyways, the Spaghetti Aglio Olio Bacon was great, its simple and could never go wrong in most western restaurants in Thailand. The salad is also something that will usually not go wrong. Things took a turn for the worst when my Fish & Chips was served. I fell from the heavenly clouds and slammed hard onto the masonry. They used the wrong type of batter to begin with, there was no fluff to it. It was dry and the color told of being in oil too long. The fish, what Fish & Chips in the world had skins attached to them? It left a fishy aftertaste the dark sections of mid spinal meat that was brownish grey instead of cod clean white. They had used sea bass and it was disappointingly terrible. Next time I must try their mainstream steaks instead, the good costly ones that cost a thousand Baht and over, but doubt I may. Good steaks are rare in Thailand, you need love and attention to cook them perfect but in large establishments, kitchen are just production lines.

Good for Dining in Cool Evenings

Aromatic Pastries

Fish & Chips went Wrong

An idea of Pricing

What's in the Fish & Chips

A Rabbit Cafe near Khao Yai

Rabbit

Bunny Coffee from the Road

I am crazy about rabbits, yes I have one and he is more than six years old now, still going strong. So when I spotted rabbit cafe, I simply just had to go in and sip coffee even though I already had one. It is nearby Hommuenlee resort in Pak Chong. We were on our way over to Khao Yai when we spotted Bunny Coffee signboard. A "you gotta be there when in Pak Chong" wannabe places, but not really there yet. Could be because it is out of the way from the main stream Khao Yai. I had my aromatic cuppa joe in peace as I watch the alpha female terrorize the other rabbits in an enclosed area. We were the only ones there. The smell from the rabbit garden was pretty "aromatic" too, but I could live with that because as a rabbit owner, I am used to all of the rabbit's strange toilet odors. A colorful little pleasant cafe set in sweet pink offering cakes to go along with coffee, a tree sheltering the bunnies from possible death from above, the eagle's lunch. Some of the rabbits were enclosed in cages, they were the male serial rapist the waitress had told us. Some negligence I spotted, a rabbit with a tooth too long that needed to be trim. Rabbits teeth grows forever just to let you know, in nature the food and the grinding naturally keeps them short. But for domesticated rabbits we need to pay special attention to their dental health, a once a month visit to the vet is routine for older rabbits. The vet trims their teeth. Outside were a bunch of students from nearby school, they came on their scooters and never ordered a drink. They were all over the swings, outdoor garden tables and chairs. With smart phones they took pictures, the airwaves filled with traffic to social media. Bunny Coffee, we were there.

Eating in Khao Yai - Krua Khao Yai

Aftermath of Lunch

Before arriving at the resort in our Khao Yai trip, we had our late lunch at the very famous Krua Khao Yai (loosely translated meaning Kitchen of Khao Yai) on Thanarat Road. This place is so popular that when we arrived, it was like an army had just had its last meal before the great battle ahead. Heaps of plates piled and leftovers on all tables, the restaurant staffs took their 30 minutes break while we sat on waiting and viewing the unappealing rubble on our table. Eventually we got to order that so famous smoked ham and ribs the place is known for, accompanied by other side dishes that were local delicacies. My ratings for the food was however a medium one, maybe my expectations were set too high. The conclusion was that, Krua Khao Yai is just one of those places "to-be-at" if one visits Khao Yai.

Local Delicacies

Famous For These

From the Outside

Location

The Egg Crab

Long long time ago, in a place far far away from where I am now (that means in Singapore lah), stories of old I was told, of the legendary egg crab so full of roe. A crab so heavily full that eating one will cause your cholesterol level to shoot up 10 notches. And so form then till now, I had searched the world for this golden treasure (actually only in Singapore and Malaysia lah).

Ever so often during the dinners when crabs were ordered, I overturned the red cooked shell to disappointingly discover only small amounts of golden roe. That which I had to scrap painstakingly with me dinner spoon off the crevices sides of the shell. And so until one day, in the seaside restaurant I was.


(Picture of egg crab shell, clam shells at sides to show sizing refernce.)

Holy mother of Buddha, the golden treasures so filled up to the brim, both crabs we ordered were so. There was no need for scraping, it was like scooping on ice-cream. Chinese, these roe very “potent” we believe, eating a whole shell of that we could shoot our you know what not only to the ceiling, but into our neighbors window. Can even target the moving dog and shoot it in the eye.

Next time in Thailand, you just have to specify “egg crab”. But not always it is that you will get what I had. You gotta be at the right place at the right time of the moon phase (I dunno when). I was at Chonburi, eating next to the oyster farms.

The Cheapest of Phuket

Cheap has never been a word related to Phuket and so many will think. Was on a short trip recently for some errands down the paradise island. With rental cars going at an average of THB1,200 a day, I asked a local car rental “is there anything cheaper? Old old also never mind.”


The rattling Suzuki 2 seater 4WD arrived in the morning on the grand lobby of the hotel. THB800 per day. I signed the papers and drove happily from naught to a hundred in like 120 seconds. The gear shift was rough during attempted F1 accelerations, the engine screaming out “oh my god what are you doing to me???!!”



Driving through scattered downpours, pity the tourist who came during this wrong September season. I breathed the sea air, I looked into the horizon, my life is great and my gig sharing the experience. The gale was the onslaught of the next coming rain, on the edge of the quiet mountain I stood against the greens. This is the homeland in my heart, Singapore is just a small dot far away.





To Rawai which I have never forgotten, down the slopes at exhilarating speeds we drove. And there still waiting for me, the wet market in the hidden corner only exposed to explorers such as I. Four pieces of monster Tiger Prawns, for THB200 (SGD8) I got them for. Over opposite to the sea dwellers selling their catch, the bag of the sea catch I handed over to an eatery. For THB50 (SGD2), the sizzling prawns arrived on my table within ten minutes, I gouged the sweety meat out and down them with cold beer. My lunch, my cheap lunch, in Bangkok it would have cost THB800 or so. We enjoyed the simplicity, the farang raising his beer for a cheer as I snapped away at the locality.



On a mountain top the next day we were, our final drive to the airport my errands were done. North Eastern food in south of Thailand, opposites of worlds but yet they compliment the scenery. This place famous for friend chicken and fried minced prawns, so ordered we did and lunched high on the rocks where it met the sea. The blue the green and the extensive horizon accompanying.


I can come here now anytime, a short flight from Bangkok and a small dent in the wallet. Such is life I will mention again, Singapore is just a small dot far away.

Happy on Mothers Day?

Once again, the odd Mothers Day had come and gone last week, the day, coinciding with the Queen’s birthday. It was a Wednesday, it was a day where most families will bring their mothers out for a good happy dinner. Happy and hearty dinner….. and so it seems.

I forward my balls whole heartedly to all the Thai restaurants (except those posh and really well organized ones). Balls to you.

I was once in banquet, I know on coming holidays, the hotels and restaurants in Singapore will call up all their standby waiters on list. To be prepared, to be organized and to prevent logistical nightmares on these fully packed occasions. That’s in Singapore. We have brains.

In Thailand, if we analyze, most restaurants are run by the anyhow bloke picked off the streets without management training. So are most of the owners. They can manage herds of buffalos, people manage they cannot. What happens the on these holidays I advice one never to eat in the restaurants. I guarantee you misery on a happy holiday. Balls to the restaurants again now accompanied by my waving middle fingers (both hands).

You will on these occasions find that firstly, looking for a parking lot means extra contribution to global warming and the already polluted Bangkok. You circle for many orbits before you find one. This comes with added fun of ramming your side mirrors into stupid people who walked the narrow streets like their father owns the roads. Assholes.

You will then most likely be greeted by queues of people without reservations, you yourself inclusive. Having to wait more then an hour, many decide to leave and find the next restaurant. You see people holding on to their shaky grandmas with walking aids inching about. It is like motion in a tortoise pond. Shaky grandmas to people ratio, 1 is to 3. Walking aids to grandma ratio, 1 is to 2. Tortoise movement 100%. These poor old souls, they come, they go without eating.

And so you find a seat finally, that’s because it is already 8.30pm after turning yourself away from at least one or two previous restaurants. You sit and its 20 minutes before some one cleared the aftermath of the previous diners off your table. The old grandmas on the other tables enjoying the same anguishing moments of happy Mothers day as you, you wonder in their hunger if they pick the meat off the eaten pork rib the previous guys left behind while no one is watching.

There will be some, those angry sons who stand up and shout at waiters passing by, and to no avail as the waiters ignore. Your eye contact with the managers will quickly be cut off as he stared and linger elsewhere into shadowy corners as he is unable to cope. And orders will be taken but serve your food will not in the next decade. You witness tartar on the many grandmas’ teeth growing as they wait silently for their food. There will be little staffs attending to all the tables this you will know. And so the energy drains from the old folks and they could not even undergo photosynthesis to supplement their strength for it is night and however green their shirts or extra large bras can be. Many tables will be silent as anger and frustration turns the night darker then night. Some will run out of patience and without paying leave, the old folks unsteadily running on reserve lead away. Go back home, eat that Maggie mee. Curses to the restaurants. Happy Mothers day in Thailand.

One word for the Thai restaurants – Stupid.

Flood of Singapore Food

More… more Singapore food. In many of theses “high-so” shopping malls popping up, we get to see more of these setups. Kopitiam, they have the bread and butter plus coffee set. Singapore Chicken Rice… coming soon and will end soon. In their other branches I see elsewhere, only quiet and stillness. I have to say that the Thai Chinese chicken rice is much better that what’s offered here. Singapore Chicken Rice stall has other dishes such as Laksa and Fried Hokkien Mee. I will give the Fried Hokkien Mee a miss anytime, it just ain’t Hokkien enough.