Dining on the Phuket Cliffs – Cheap

And again, why we should rent cars when on holiday destinations. I was on work, not on holiday. I was looking for a place to eat, the rental car I drove devouring the curves and slopes of Phuket. We stumbled on the E-San food shack up the hill. I had a choice, the concrete building with the fancy restaurant name that had the “welcome farang” feel, or the wooden shacks that looks like it will be blown down into the sea during heavy storm. I choose the later to discover the idyllic simple sitting arrangements hidden from view by the road. It was simple E-San food at slightly expensive price. THB$400 for three of us, as we savored our eyes did too. Just don’t drink here get high, will fall off the cliff for sure. The sunny sun, the shady tables. The view, the air, the sea. This is the life, this is my life.

10 Course Dinner Banquette Narai Hotel

And yet again I attended the Thai Chinese wedding dinner. As chaotic as ever, the function room of Narai hotel when it is not tradition to have seating arrangements and such pre planned. So, everybody was everywhere and our table had twelve because we wanted to be in a group and not with strangers.

What I really cannot stand about 10 Course Dinners here in Narai Hotel was they never change your side plate. I was Banquet a long time back, we had to change the plate every course. Food lovers will know that taste from different dishes should be savored in isolation without the juices form the previous affecting the taste of the current. But hell no in Narai. My request to the idiot faced waiter to change the plates of the entire table was conveniently ignored. By the 5th course, I swear the juices and debris on my plate was starting some form of chemical reaction and could either be turning into alcohol or attaining a life of its own. Welcome to Bangkok.

Eating in Phuket, I found Rawai

So where do we eat in Phuket? As tourist, we stay in Patong we eat in Patong. We stay in Kata, we eat in Kata. And all those eatery almost always have their prices blown out of proportion for they are tuned to the pockets of the farangs. Could we then really get the local food there? No. All the restaurants had been made up-scaled and even the Thai food are just that little bit adjusted to the taste of the farangs.


Here’s a tip, firstly, on tour, must rent car. No car, no real holiday. We drove around the island, found this Rawai beach (southern tip of Phuket). Been to Phuket so many times and never knew this beach existed. Affordable looking eating joints were a plenty overlooking the sea. I knew it was local when I saw Thais on every table. Thais naturally are Thais and knows where to spend their money. They will not usually eat in restaurants targeting farangs. One of the strange highlights of Rawai was that, on most tables, I saw there were a farang or two, eating in the company of a number of “sexy” girls. I guess that’s where Phuket “girlfriends” brings tourist “boyfriends” to when asked for “bring me some place local, I hungry” after the night of “I love you honey, sick at home my mommy, give me some money”.

The food was really local I could tell, as I found out that their Tom Yam soup really tasted very different from that in Bangkok. They put in a different kind of spice, and all the taste I was so used to for the regular dishes I ordered, just tasted that slightly different. Whatever you order, don’t go for the Seabass (Pla Kapong), it tasted muddy. I assumed they do not have sea farmed Seabass and instead catch them from the local mangroves. It was the worst fish I ever ate in years.

And whatever different spices the southern kingdom used, it made me able to kill the nearby dog just by farting. It is interesting to note, Thailand is so big, food in each region have their own localized flavors, name of dish the same. Kill radius of fart differs.

The Chaophraya Cruise

Finally, I was on board the infamous river cruise so well talked about by the tourist. Cost about SGD$32.00 per pax. We got it at SGD$24.00 during a recent travel fair. To get your tickets, normally would be to call up the hotels along the river side where these cruises are offered. And they range many. From the really expensive ones offered by Shangri-la to the really “low-so” ones by what looks like above average “hotel-fun-fun”. That’s the one I went… “cruise-fun-fun” by the “hotel-fun-fun”. The food was terrible.


Steak was cold, overcooked and somehow powdery. None of that BBQ charred fatty bits giving that unique taste to a good steak, more evidence you can never find good western steaks here in Thailand.

The Thai spread was limited and even the Thais complained it was worst then eating from the lousy street side stalls set up by the unlicensed hawkers. It was terrible. They made even the simplest BBQ river prawns taste bad. They were small and tasted like they had died three months ago but kept in the freezer.


DIY coffee tasted like it had baby cockroaches brewed with definitely not Arabica.


Chunks of cheap looking ice blocks, otherwise known as ice-creams.


The deco of decades old, like that of an old 70’s dining hall. They had a live band and the only things worth looking at were the dancers. The uncles drunk went up to them and they all danced together. Must give tips. Reminds me of bad karaoke clubs in the distance provinces.

And I had to be in the worst place to die if the ship hit a barge, I had to do the big business in their confined toilet, surprisingly, I have to give credit to this. The toilet was clean.


Well, I guess the objective was not to enjoy the bad 15 minutes of buffet accompanied by Pepsi overdosed with too much carbonated water losing its taste. We spent the next 2 hours or so up on the deck enjoying the breeze. And we scrutinized the couples so many, the old men with their young karaoke girls on their Sundays off.

Moral of story. Pay peanuts get monkey. Go for the expensive cruise if I have to. Next time.

People can Die from Food Allergy in Thailand

Singaporeans. Complain, complain and complain. Everyday nothing to do but complain. Go holiday, everything also complain. Come Thailand, complain, complain about service, food and Thai people stupid. Complain, complain I hear so many.

To me, theses complaining I take it as caused by the short patience of our Singapore attitude. I have now adjusted my attitude and think that, hey, it is not Thailand that is stupid, it is us Singaporeans that are just complaining too much, it is our own fussiness that is the fault. It should be the Thais that should be complaining about us Singaporeans speaking too loud and with our bad attitude in their land. Until yesterday….

13 Coins, a very successful chain of family orientated restaurant with affordable Thai and Western huge servings of delicacies catered for the average to middle income group. Who serves? The average drop out or that kid from the slump. That Dek Skoi or Dek Vann (teenagers on screaming scoters), or maybe with some intelligence, the student that works part time. Who manages? Naturally, if the crew managers are educated, they would not be working in 13 Coins serving.

I had my fair share of fun making fun of Muslims, but yesterday a Muslim was my friend. Muslims don’t eat pork. Muslims are known as Kun Islam here in Thailand. It is common sense that Kun Islam don’t eat pork and we all respect that just as how they respect Buddhist don’t eat beef. I specifically mentioned to the boy taking my order about that. I specifically told him no Pig please in all the dishes I ordered and to inform the kitchen. I spoke in Thai, it was very clear my instructions.

Kun Islam and me ate through dinner. Three quarters of the way through, he pulled a piece of meat from the Bake Prawn Vermicelli. Allah shit… we both panicked and asked for the waiter to attention.

“Whats this?” I asked. Waiter kept still.
Then manager comes along seeing our commotion.
“Whats this??!!!” I repeated.
“Bacon.” The manager happily answered smiling.
I tell you that after my screaming, both of them no more smile.
They gave me another Bake Prawn Vermicelli free of charge plus simple “Sorry”. We did not touch that.

So, if you are one of those that are allergic to certain food. Don’t trust nobody in Thailand. The food service industry is full of stupid uneducated people, proven!!!. To them, BACON or HAM could be interpreted as meat from another imaginary exotic animal but not that of a pink fat PIG. That’s how simple minded they are, word for word they understand. Dismantle your food and scrutinized every piece of suspicious object. You may die developing a reaction and add to statistics – People Dying from Food Allergy in Thailand.

Hash Brown of Thailand

Home delivered from MacDonald’s hash brown with a shred of glass. Complained to MacDonald’s, one more hash brown delivered free without glass. Just how lightly they take things around here in Thailand.

Thai Cashew Nut

I came from the city, Singapore. Nature means waking up in the morning looking out the window to see the occasional malnutrition brown squirrel making its way across the overhead cables, tripping and falling and being run over by the double deck SBS bus on her fist morning run. But wait…. there are overhead cables in Singapore no more, they have all gone underground and so have the squirrels.


I woke to the calling of only birds and the light sea breeze caressing. The air fresh with a slight tingle of the sea. I saw two large furry squirrels among the tress where they are suppose to be, in nature. Many orange jumbu like fruits scattered underneath, I took a closer look. This is where cashew nuts come from, in the hard covered brown husk of that growth top of the fruit. I see, I see now. Cashew nuts are not grown in Tong Gardens, they grow on trees.